Saturday, May 28, 2011

blahhh!!!!!!!!!!! im so annoyed.  I keep on trying to comment on some of the blogs i follow but for some reason i cant.  i dont know why, it just started doing this like maybe 5 days ago or something.  i never used to have a problem with commenting on blogs.  but now its like gotta sign in first, even though im already signed, so i sign in but then it still doesnt let me.  arghh so frustrating.  well just want to let y'all know, I am reading your blogs even though i dont comment.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

sorry for posting again so soon, but seriously not even 1 hour after i last posted i binged and purged.  i fucking hate myself.  i had 2 pieces of pizza, a granola bar and a fat free pudding.  im so ashamed of myself. i dont think i purged it all up.  i hope i dont gain.  i dont even know what to do with myself.  so im on here blogging about it. im going to have some green tea and hope that it burns some of my fat.  sorry for the shitty post. 
Hey guys!!
First as a reply to Always Striving, yeah they make vanilla coke zero and believe me it is addicting.  I love it.  But the only thing is that i can never find it at gas stations and i dont think you can buy just one serving, i can only find it in 12-packs at the supermarket.  And yeah zero-cal rockstars in the pink can are to die for.  There super yummy, I like them more than the redbulls.

And to Dani- I am SOO sorry that you can't have caffeine.  I seriously dont know how thats possible cause thats how i get by.  I also work at a cafe so i pretty much live on caffeine.  Too much definately isnt good for you though i suppose, but oh well.  I probably have wayyy to much a day but i cant seem to help it.

So something very scary happened to me the other night.  I was at my friends house sleeping over and I didnt have anything to eat that day.  Anyways i get up in the middle of the night to pee and after i go i start feeling sick.  Anyways i get up, then all the sudden my heart starts racing i start sweating, feeling numb and i end up passing out.  I wake up and immediately know i need some thing to eat so i go to there fridge and then pass out again, anyways i end up passing out 4 times in total all around their kitchen,  I was so scared cause i felt so helpless but finally the 4th and last time that i passed out i was lying on the floor after i woke up and i heard my friend's mom yelling to my friend to find out if i was ok cause apparently i was making ALOT of noise.  So emily comes down stairs finds me laying there. and takes me to a chair and gets me orange juice and cuts up an apple for me.  After that i started feeling better.  But from now on im going to start taking a multi everyday and eat atleast something to get me through.  Cause I definately do not want that happening again.  But that was two nights ago, and im feeling better now.  I didnt eat anything today untill just now (its about 7 pm), and i had a grapefruit, and my vitamin.  And i also am sipping some diet hot chocolate from swiss miss.  Its only 25 cals per packet!!  Its not as good as regular hot chocolate obviously, but it works.
As for working out ive been trying to do atleast a little bit each day.  Today i played tennis with my mom.
Other than that nothing else is new with me except ive been feeling super depressed at times, but right at the moment im feeling pretty good.  So thats good.  Alright well I hope you all are doing great! See yuzz :)

Monday, May 23, 2011

fasted the day before yesturday, yesturday i ate about 600 cals?? today fasting again...although i shouldnt say my fasting days are totally fasting cause i still drink coffee with a little vanilla soymilk and splenda.  and im absolutely addicted to rockstar's zero cal pink can energy drink.  i drink theose alot. as well as diet coke especially vanilla coke zero.  party in my mouth. mua ha ha. i love drinking tea too. especially since i just got some cute tea cups.  i feel like im from alice in wonderland when i drink from them.  anyways.
i went to the movies with this guy i know today.  who knows. i think he likes me but not sure if i like him.

Monday, May 16, 2011

starting a lemon and water with honey (if hot) or splenda (if cold) fast.  got the idea from broken scale obsession blog. hopefully i'll be able to do it for atleast three days.  we'll see how much self-control i have... the weather has been soo crappy.  really rainy and dreary for the coming up week :(  fuck maine..oh well. 'tis my life. ehh i want a cigarette.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

ive been working out more the last few days.  trying to eat as little as possible but usually one time everyday i screw up so then i go for a run.  i feel fat. obviously. or else i wouldnt have this blog.  super depressed lately.  my mom screamed at me yesturday for being a low life or something like that.. for like 10 minutes.  screaming.  i just sat there.   and said nothing.  ive been working alot lately.  drinking alot of coffee.  want to start smoking again, but afraid my mom will find out and kick me out or something. 

Thursday, April 21, 2011

dye it blonde

dyed my hair blonde.  i have to go to the salon tomorrow though to get it toned cause theres some orange undertones that i want to get rid of.  i did it from a box so it figures.  its not bad though.