Just deal with it.

1 pm- 1/2 grapefruit- 50 cals
3 pm- 1/2 grapefruit- 50 cals
           Ramen Noodles (made my own sauce, didnt use the packet it comes with)- 200 cals?
           5 Spanish Olives-25 cals.
4 pm- Soy chai tea latte- 200 cals?
5 pm- vegan muffin(purged it, so i dunno if it counts)
So i didnt stick with my plan to eat just a grapefruit and soymilk, oh well.  I went for a reallllly long walk today, and whenever i go for walks it makes me super hungry.  So atleast I burned some cals off. So I'm guessing my cals were anywheres from 500-600 cals today.  Oh and I also drank alot of water and green tea, and had some cigs.  I'm starting to get dreadlocks, I love dreads.   Alot of my friends wouldnt like them though, cause there snotty so I've been trying to hide my hair.  Its fairly easy now cause its only the bottom layer of my hair so I can just put my hair up in a bun, or leave my hair down and wear a scarf around my neck. This morning I weighed myself and I weigh 107.  Not bad I suppose, but not down to where I was this past summer.  (I gained like 10 lbs over the fall, I was 100 lbs) I've been feeling really weird lately, I have depression and anxiety, and I just started taking anti-depressants a few weeks ago, and for the first week I felt really great, but I think they stopped working, I feel I dont know, not right.  Hard to explain.  My dad had bipolar( had, hes dead now) and my sister has it too, so I'm wondering if I have it and maybe thats why they're making me feel this way.  Well next wednesday I'm going to get checked out, I have an appointment to talk to a counceler so maybe she'll know more.  The person that perscribed the meds to me wasnt even a doctor, shes like a nurse practioner or something, the step below a doctor, and she doesnt specialize in psychology, I just told her I was depressed and she perscribed me meds.  So who knows? Whatevs..I'll just deal with it.

Just bought a scale today,  and one of those heating pads. My appartment gets so cold so i thought it would help.  I cant just turn up the heat cause I have roommates and were all poor so we want to keep the oil bill down haha.  Anyways this morning I screwed up cause not only did I eat two pieces of toast w/ natural peanut butter but I had some of those mini one-bite candy bars, 3 to be exact :(  Oh well..  Then later on in the day I had a grapefruit and some soymilk.  I also had a soy chai tea latte.  And water and green tea, and 4 cigarettes.  All in all I'm guessing I had around 600-700 cals.  Not my best day but def not my worst. Tomorrow I'm just going to have a grapefruit, soymilk, and a spoonful of oatmeal.  And ofcourse limitless water, and tea.

                                                          (picture i painted a while back)

sorry i havent posted in a long time :( i guess ive just been busy and stuff. also for a while i started eating alot of junk food, like sweets and shit, and i felt horrible cause i used to eat really healthy.  So ive recently started a no-sugar diet.  im not eating any sugar for a week, to kill the sugar addiction, and after that the only sugar i can have will be fruits and honey.  like im not even eating fruit for a week and also no refined carbs, not that i eat alot of refined carbs andyways its mostly just whole grains for me.  mostly what ive been eating is veggies, hummus and tea.  i had a tiny bit of natural peanut butter today with a few baby carrot sticks, and when i say a tiny bit i mean like half a teaspoon haha. hmm what to say what to say..oh yeah and i started being a vegan again, ive been a vegetarian for like 2 years, and a few months back i became a vegan for a month but it didnt last but ive just started again.  its exciting, haha ima freak.