Hence, 3 day fast:) :)

alrighty, im gonna start a 3 day fast and see how it goes.  I love the feeling of fasting, its like you have a secret that no one knows but yourself. Its going to be hard tomorrow though cause I'm hangin with my friend all day.  She's like 5'7" and only 103 lbs right now, cause she just got over the flu.  Lucky.  I wish I could contract the flu.  Maybe I should just tell her to cough on me or something.  Kidding..anyways shes probably not contagious anymore.  She usually doesnt go over 110 lbs anyways.  And she has the nerve to be like "your too skinny" to me.  Seriously.  Right now I dont even want to look at the scale.  Stupid fall, I always gain weight in fall. This past summer I hit 100 lbs, yay past me! Mostly because I started dating this guy, and I was way too nervous/excited to eat.  Then he stopped talking to me.  After that I was way to angry/sad to eat. Lately Ive been eating alot.  Now=to afraid to look at scale.  HATE. ok well I did look and I'm 115. DIE.  Im only 5'4" bt-dub, so not a good weight for me.  Hence, 3 day fast.

ahhh just worked out.  its soo hard to start working out, but I never regret it after I'm done.  I mean who's ever said, "Man I regret working out," when they're finished.   Answer=No one.  That thought helps me get started..anyways I'm going to post a picture I painted of my dad, he passed away 7 years ago, I painted it from a pic I have of him. Not that has anything to do with working out..but whatever. Not gonna say much today, I'll write more tomorrow.

Bland food=Best food

Ok so I figured out after a lot of past binges, that the best way for me to avoid a binge is to eat bland food.  It seems whenever I start eating something really flavorful it, I don't know, awakens my taste buds, and they start screaming "MORE, MORE FOOD!" Loud enough to block out all reason.  But if I just stick to bland food I avoid the screaming taste buds. haha I make them sound like evil villains.  Another problem is that I enjoy cooking immensely, but I found a way around that too.  I just cook for others, I get the same satisfaction knowing others enjoy the food that I've made them...well more actually cause I'm not eating it.

Exercise makes you happy happy:)

wow, my last post was really depressing, i guess i was having a bad day. but..today im feeling MUCH better. ive been doing pilates and working out for the past few days and I think its making me feel more happy:) well studies do show that working out makes you happy so it makes sence that I'm feeling happier.  I'm thinking about getting a ballet exercise dvd, cause Ive always been interested in ballet, and see how it works.  Id bet it would be hard but worth it I'm sure! I'm done now...

why me?

ok so i think my sisters father in law pretty much admitted to liking me through a private message on fb a few days ago. fuck my life. i want to puke. why me? because i have a shitty life and shitty things seems to always come my way. hes such a freak, but i cant be sure if thats what he really meant, but it sure sounded like it. btw hes like 30 years older than me. i showed the message to my my mom and she cant figure out what he really means either.  atleast i never see him. eww i hope i never see him again.  anyways i just wanted to let it out on here.  well whatever im going to stop thinking about it now and go on to another subject of why the hell have I been eating so much lately?! its like the more i think about calories and weight and fasting, etc, it seems the more i eat. I absolutely hate it. And not only eating, but eating lots of junky food too.  Like I used to be really conscience of what I ate, I never ate processed foods and sugary foods, etc.  But lately it seems they've been creeping into my diet and I feel like shit.  It's like all self-control has left me and I feel so empty all the time, so I just want to eat. But the awful full feeling you get after a binge is not worth it. At all. And then the purging. Its a never-ending cycle.  I really want to try to start eating healthy again, like NO sugars and processed foods.  And NO over-eating. Well I have to go to bed.

random ranting before bed

So yeah...my 3 day fast didnt last three days, but i did go a little over two days.  So yes i failed..but at the same time I've never actually gone on without eating any food for that long believe it or not. I ended up eating (alot) late tuesday night, by the end i felt really full and i felt crappy so i purged:( I really gotta stop doing that.  I realize though that in order to stop purging i have to stop binging which is hard sometimes, mostly when I'm feeling stressed. Im going to start a food/ exercise journal so I can keep track of the amount of food I eat and exercise I get.  I think it will be beneficial. Oh yeah I got some more tea today:) :) I LOVE TEA!! Im pretty much addicted.  I got some more regular green tea cause I ran out and I got some thai green tea, and the yogi healthy fasting tea. The thai green tea comes in a cute pink tin can and its really yummy, with coconut and other thai flavors in it, all natural. ok my cat is on my lap right now and her paw has been resting on my wrist while I'm typing for like the last two minutes. It's kind of funny watching her paw move while my hand moves to type, anyways...I did some pilates for an hour at 9 pm. I think I might play some guitar now before bed, Bon Nuit:)

2nd Day Fast

Today is the second day of my fast.  Well technically i didnt eat anything after 5:30 on sunday so i just completed 2 days but officially i started the fast on monday morning.  I like to start things in the morning, thats just how i roll:) I weighed myself this morning and i lost 3 lbs just from one day of fasting, pretty good I'd say. I cant wait to weigh myself tomorrow morning to see how much I lost. Im still drinking water, tea and black coffee, so I do drink, its not a complete fast but those are the drinks I allow myself.  Just got back from work, Im wiped. As for exercising I walked to and from work and later I think I'll do some pilates. Feeling tired but overall great:) Au Revoir!

heyy-First Blog

So I had a blog like a year ago but i didnt stick with it, but i want to start one up again so here i am. I'm on the first day of a three day fast and its exactly 5:00 PM. So I need things to do to get my mind off eating haha, hence the start of a new blog :) Right now I'm laying on my bed, akwardly trying to type, my cat's curled up under the blanket by my feet:) Things I love to do include playing guitar and harmonica and singing, art, music, reading, and fashion, drinking tea haha(im addicted) among other things but thats all i can thin oh and snowboarding!! the seasons coming up for snowboarding too, im soo excited!! anyways im done for now see yaz.